The Weird Al Word Crimes Unit Is On Patrol

Sometimes you're in a job interview, or at a party or someplace, and you get the question, "What would be your ideal job, if money didn't matter?"

My usual answer to that question is "perpetual student." But it's a lie. My real dream job is to be Weird Al Yankovic.

Well, not be HIM, exactly. But some day the man has to retire, or die (God forbid). And when that day comes, someone will need to fill the void of hilarious entertainment that he's provided all these years.

One of my hobbies as a kid was to make up funny lyrics to existing songs. The goofier, the better. My brother and I would do this for hours. It was terrific fun. We'd talk about forming a Weird-Al-style parody duo, called the Weird Allens (or some other name that wouldn't get us slapped with a copyright violation).

And so I couldn't NOT memorialize this video on this blog. Because the master has created again. And this time, he did something nobody has ever done in the history of the human race. He made editing cool.

Thanks, Weird Al.

White-Out: It's Not Just for Paper Anymore

So how many bottles of white-out do you think it took to cover up "Dominicks" on this sign?

Poor Dominicks. A successful grocery store for nearly 100 years only to be driven into mediocrity by Safeway and ultimately go kaput amid poor sales and amateur video satire.

But hang on. White-out? Is that even a thing anymore? Now that people edit everything on computers, has correction fluid gone extinct? Is it used only by adolescents trying to catch a buzz in their parents' garage?

Nope, apparently it's still a thing. And now I'll leave you with some fun white-out party trivia.

• You know Mike Nesmith, from the Monkees? His mom, Bette, invented white-out in 1951. I wonder which of them made more money in their career, considering that Bette sold the product for a cool $47 million.
• In New Zealand, white-out is called Twink. So if you're in Auckland and a guy comes up to you and says he needs some Twink, don't get the wrong idea. He just needs to cover up something he wrote down wrong. (And get a computer already.)

Putting the White Back in White Castle

Whites Castles? Are they making a statement about their target demographic? Or maybe it's a sad commentary about home prices in Chicago. I know we were hit pretty hard in the housing crash, but day-um.