If you do not live with the
pain in the ass blessing of having your own small children, I’ll bet you may have an idea or two about people who do have young kids.
Maybe your ideas go something like this:
- It’s unfair how parents get preferential treatment at work. They get to leave early to pick their kid up from daycare while I am left holding the bag.
- I see parents in public whose kids are misbehaving and the parents are standing there doing NOTHING about it. WTF? What crappy parents they must be.
- Parents are such clichés, always sharing a zillion photos of their rug rats, always talking about the kids nonstop.
- When little kids misbehave, it’s the parents’ fault.
- Why do parents complain so much about being parents? It’s THEIR CHOICE. They should suck it up and STFU.
- Parents of young kids are so rude, taking up entire sidewalks and store aisles with their strollers, making so much noise, not giving a damn about anyone but their kids and their kids’ needs. Therefore it’s okay to be rude back to them.
I know you’re thinking those things. I know because I used to be you. For many years I would get crabby at the sight of small children in public. No matter how angelic their little faces looked, I would step around them warily, as if they were a bomb about to explode into an ear-splitting, food-throwing tantrum.
Then I had a couple of kids myself. Did this make me love small children in public? No. Loving your own kids is way different from loving ALL kids. And heck, it’s even hard to love your own kids when they’re throwing the tantrum from hell.
Let's Spread Some Understanding
But having kids did give me two things that I never had before (at least, not in relation to kids or parents):
- Understanding
- Tolerance
Aren’t those two things the key to peace between people? I believe they are. And I’d like to see more peace, love, and understanding between parents and non-parents.
In that spirit, let’s start by straightening out a few facts, shall we? Let’s have a look at the ideas I mentioned above.
1. It’s unfair how parents get preferential treatment at work. They get to leave early to pick their kid up from daycare while I am left holding the bag.
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I urge you to consider the truly unfair element in this situation: Companies that make their employees work such long hours that leaving to make a 6 p.m. daycare pickup seems “early.”
ALL employees have lives outside work—parents or not. ALL employees deserve to leave work at a reasonable hour. Employees who are burned out do not become more productive. They lose morale and look for other jobs. In my opinion, companies are unwise to ask any employee to work late, either routinely or at the last minute.
Also, daycares don’t stay open all night. It’s not practical to expect every parent to have somebody else available to pick their kid up when duty calls at work. It’s also impractical to expect people to stop having kids, or for kids to stop having needs, just because it’s not fair to the parents’ co-workers.
Finally, LIFE is not fair. It’s not fair that folks with no kids have infinite freedom while parents have none. It was our choice to have kids, and it was your choice not to. All choices come with results.
2. I see parents in public whose kids are misbehaving and the parents are standing there doing NOTHING about it. WTF? What crappy parents they must be.
Sometimes the right approach to a child’s bratty behavior or tantrum is to ignore it.
I believe that if such behavior occurs in a store, restaurant, or another public place where a reasonable level of peace and quiet is expected, the parent should take the child outside until they are calm again.
But if it occurs on the sidewalk, or on a plane? There’s no “outside” to bring them to.
Unless parents are banned from all public places, there’s always going to be some noise from kids, some of the time. Insert "high school students" into that sentence in place of "parents"—still true. Some people are just noisy.
3. Parents are such clichés, always sharing a zillion photos of their rug rats, always talking about the kids nonstop.
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Have you ever had a project or hobby that was a labor of love for you? Maybe you’re really into your dog—you got him as a puppy and trained him yourself. Maybe you’re into building furniture by hand. Or blogging. Or fishing.
Whatever it is, you put a lot of time, blood, sweat, and tears into it. Naturally, you’re proud of the results, so you share them.
That’s what children are. A labor of love. Because believe me, we parents wouldn’t put up with so much crap from them if we didn’t love them.
4. When kids misbehave, it’s the parents’ fault.
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Have you ever tried to control another person’s behavior? Tried to make them behave the way you want them to behave, down to their every move?
It’s impossible. No human being can control another human being like a marionette.
Of course parents must teach kids how to behave like civilized human beings. But do you think that learning takes place instantly? I assure you, it does not. Perhaps you’re familiar with the phrase, “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times!” – Said every parent ever, to every child ever.
So when you’re witnessing a child’s uncivilized behavior in public, know that you’re witnessing a work in progress. It may annoy you, but it can’t be helped, unless the day comes when children can be programmed like robots with the touch of a button.
5. Why do parents complain so much about being parents? It’s THEIR CHOICE. They should suck it up and STFU.
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I think the more appropriate question here is, “Why do PEOPLE complain so much”? Even people with easy lives find things to complain about. Rich people complain about the contractors who remodeled their mansions. People surrounded by books, iPads, and cable TV complain about being bored.
Some things are worth complaining about. Like true hardship.
Let’s say your friend goes skiing, and she breaks her leg, and you ask how she’s doing, and she tells you, “I’m not gonna lie, it hurts like a bitch.” Do you say, “Quit complaining! It was YOUR CHOICE to be a skier”? I would hope you don’t.
Let’s say you get to work, and you’re in the kitchen getting coffee, and you ask a co-worker how he’s doing. He says, “I’ve had better mornings. There was an accident on the highway and my commute took 3 hours in bumper-to-bumper traffic. That totally sucked.” Do you say, “Oh, shut up. It was YOUR CHOICE to live in the suburbs”? I should think not.
I expect you to extend the same courtesy to parents who complain about extreme sleep deprivation and violations of basic human dignity, like being pooped on and barfed on by another person.
6. Parents of young kids are so rude, taking up entire sidewalks and store aisles with their strollers, making so much noise, not giving a damn about anyone but their kids and their kids’ needs. Therefore it’s okay to be rude back to them.
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Parents are not doing those things to be rude. In fact, most of us regret the inconvenience our kids sometimes cause total strangers.
Strollers are necessary because they keep toddlers contained so they don’t trip other people or knock down store displays.
Kids make noise because that’s just what kids do. Think of the child like a barking dog. You do what you can, but ultimately—Dogs bark. Small children cry. Them’s the facts.
Eventually kids can be taught decorum and subtlety. But that learning does not occur instantly, and certainly not while they’re between 0 and 2 years old.
Parents are hyper-focused on their kids’ needs because kids are freaking needy, especially when they’re small. Babies can’t do anything for themselves, so somebody’s gotta do it.
The Bottom Line
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None of us are obligated to like children, or their parents. But we are obligated to be polite and civilized to one another.
So when you get the urge to act uncharitably toward a parent, I urge you to do the following. Imagine your own mom, back in the day, walking down the sidewalk with Baby You in a stroller. That thing you were about to do, would you want someone to do that to YOUR mother? If not, then please refrain, and know that you are doing your part for peace between parents and non-parents.
