Why I Love Elbow-Length Sleeves, and Janeane Garofalo

I love clothes with elbow-length sleeves. I don't mean three-quarter sleeves, which are often advertised as

Image credit: hugoboss.com

"elbow-length." I mean sleeves that go EXACTLY to the elbow.

So I've been so happy when I saw all the elbow-length sleeve action in stores this spring and summer.

Why are elbow-length sleeves the greatest thing ever? I'll tell you why. They're flattering on everyone. They're great for work. They're nice and cool for summer, yet way more professional than a tank top. They look good loose or fitted. They go nicely with a variety of necklines: drapey/cowl, V, boatneck, scoop.

But most importantly, they perform the greatest favor that fashion could ever do for me. They cover 100% of my upper arms.

I Have Matronly Upper Arms 

"I love my pink top! It
covers my upper arms!"
- J.Jill model

Everybody has an answer to the question, "If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be?"

My answer would be: my upper arms. They are, shall we say, fleshy. Not fat, exactly. Just... thick. And rounded.

I have matronly upper arms. If you're a woman with this type of arm, you're sitting here nodding along because you KNOW. If you're not, consider yourself lucky, because matronly upper arms are biological destiny that no amount of cardio or weight-lifting can ever change. Motherhood makes no difference, either—my arms have looked like this since well before I had children.

If you are a woman with this kind of arm, you're often self-conscious about it. None of the models and actresses have arms like that. No, they all have those beautifully defined arms where you could practically identify individual muscle fibers through the skin. If you're like me, you prefer never to wear sleeveless garments unless it's so hot outside that everybody is too busy wiping sweat out of their eyes to notice your sub-shoulder chub.

The definitive work on this topic comes from Janeane Garofalo. I saw this bit on TV circa 1997 and laughed my ass off because it's SO TRUE:

Janeane is the bomb.

"And I'm worried because I have matronly upper arms, y'know? I can't get intimate because I have matronly upper arms, and there's two kinds of women in the world: those with matronly upper arms and those with visible biceps and never the twain shall meet, because the bicep gals don't get it and the matronly upper arms girls know about life and love and losing and do you know how hot it has to be for Garofalo to go sleeveless? ... I will wear a sweater or a sweat jacket or a long-sleeve shirt until it's literally a hundred and ten degrees out."

Image credit: inkedmag.com

SING IT, GIRL! And go out shopping. Scoop up a bunch of these items now before they go out of style again and then we'll be back to boring old three-quarter sleeves. Or... heaven forbid... cap sleeves, the single most unflattering sleeve ever known to women with matronly upper arms.

Actually, I see that Janeane got tattoos on both of her upper arms at some point since that 1997 routine. Which I think is a great idea. If you don't like some part of your body, find a way to distract people. It's harder to notice the shape of someone's arm if you're busy looking at the ink.

Nicely done, Ralph
Lauren.

Even Carhartt makes
them. Score.

I have and adore
this Ellen Tracy dress.