Introducing the Gender-Neutral Pronoun “Zem”

I’ve finally reached my limit. I am sick and tired of having to say “he or she” and “him or her” in situations where I need to be gender-nonspecific.

The only alternative to these cumbersome phrases has been to say “them,” which is grammatically gauche when you’re talking about just one person.

In this egalitarian modern age, there is no reason why we, speakers of English, should not have invented a gender-neutral pronoun by now.

So Here’s Mine

I suggest “zem” as a gender-neutral pronoun. The adjectival version (like “their”) would be “zeir.” Examples of usage:

• I heard we hired a new tech director, but I haven’t met zem yet. Do you know zeir name?
• Each new employee may choose the health plan that is best for zem and zeir family.

Why “zem” is awesome:

• It sounds enough like both “him” and “them” as to jog our memories of what it means, during its adoption. And “zeir” rhymes with “their” for easy mnemonics too.
• It contains the end letter of “him” and the middle letter of “her” – one letter from each, how egalitarian!
• It’s nice and short, just like the original pronouns.
• Authors can have great fun with it. Just imagine, a whole introductory chapter where a character is described with “zem,” leaving you unsure of zeir gender. The ambiguity could be a lovely literary device.
• It solves the “he or she” conundrum once and for all!

So, now that the matter is settled, you may all start using “zem” and “zeir” now. There will be a quiz at the end of the hour.

Comments invited!